To all those telling me I’m too thin, looks sick and weak; remember these words. And to all those who were skinny-shamed too; tell them these words.
I’m sorry but I’m not weak nor sick like how you think. I may not have that healthy-looking body you see on the internet, or thick bones like yours, but I might be stronger than you. Not necessarily in physical way, but in a way of something broader than that.
I’m sorry If I look so fragile that I might break or fall down easily if you push me with your pinky finger. Would you even believe me If I tell you that I survived all the almost fatal blows and punches that life threw at me?
I’m sorry that I don’t fit in what you think is healthy. Or that I don’t fit in what you think is pretty.
It’s not that I don’t eat. In fact, I could eat a worth of whole day meal in a single meal time.
It’s not that we don’t have enough food to eat at home. Or we don’t have delicious and expensive supermarket bought goods. We actually have.
It’s not that I don’t care about my looks. Or I don’t take better care of myself. I care, of course about, how I’d see myself in the mirror. I do take care of myself properly, maybe even more than how you care for yourself.
It’s not because all of those.
It’s just that there are days when I couldn’t even move a toe or two. What more to carry my body downstairs to get some food to eat?
It’s just that there are days when I don’t know If it’s my body rejecting the food or it’s the mind. Those were the times when I badly need to eat because my stomach’s burning from emptiness, but I couldn’t.
It’s just that there are days, when just mere breathing seemed so enough for me. When things like eating or taking a shower or getting up just don’t matter anymore.
But I’m trying my best- I’m doing my best.
I’m doing all that I can to help myself. When I could, I eat a lot and as healthy as possible. I’d do exercises and yoga poses at mornings and evenings. I’d do meditations and affirmations.
I’m trying all that I can to at least gain some weight, you see. I’m trying to have the enough shape for you to at least not to notice my body anymore.
I’m doing my best, so do not tell me It’s my fault that I look like this. Do not shame me for my size.
Don’t tell me to just eat, because I know and I try. Don’t tell me I look sick, because I know myself to notice there’s something in me that is not right, but I’m trying to figure out ways to at least make it right. Don’t tell me I look weak, because I have strength inside me.
I love my body, and no words can change that.