Admit it, it is so much harder to be kind to ourselves than to other people, and is easier to love others than ourselves. But why? Why do we let people and accept them in our lives so easily like they don’t even have to open the door because we already did it for them? How is it so simple to accept others when there are parts of ourselves, we can’t even face and accept yet? Have you ever thought of that?
Yep, those moments when we are so appreciative of their little efforts towards us. We feel happy when people make time for us, when they show us that they care and that they actually think about us, or when they do something for us. Why do we only see the external efforts we receive from people instead of the efforts we do for ourselves? I think, we don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve.
That’s why we like to tell people all the positive words we can ever say to them like, “Thank you so much, you are amazing,” “I admire you. You are so strong and you inspire me” or “You are unique, I like you.” But let me ask you, have you ever told yourself these words? Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and told the person in front of you all these? Have you ever looked at all your reflections and genuinely liked who you are seeing? Why can’t we say these words and all the other positive words we know to ourselves instead?
Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why is self-compassion so difficult to practice?
But really, these are things you can give to yourself that will change a lot about you and your life, without any cost. These are what we easily give to other people but not to ourselves. Things we needed to give ourselves the most.
Because dear, we have to be the first one to approve, accept, and appreciate ourselves. We have to be the first one to believe and say to ourselves how brave, beautiful and bold we are. We have to love ourselves first before giving love.
This is being aware that we are not perfect individuals and would never be, and that we are who are with all our flaws and past mistakes, but choosing to accept all parts of our being. This is acknowledging our emotions and accepting that we are allowed to feel angry, disappointed, sad and scared sometimes.
And this is accepting ourselves like how we easily accept the people in our lives.
When was the last time you looked in the mirror and thanked yourself? Or have you ever thanked yourself?
Remember all the things you did for yourself all these times? If you don’t, maybe because you didn’t actually gave importance to it? That’s where I think we’re wrong, well not totally wrong, but it’s something we should change. Why don’t we try appreciating our efforts for surviving every day, for doing things like taking care of our body, listening to music to soothe our soul, or all the other ways we make ourselves happy.
Maybe, it’s the only appreciation we’ve been waiting.
Why do we focus so much external validations when we can give it to ourselves? Trying to earn the approval from people around us or from people on social media is not healthy for us. Because those validations are not strong enough to give you the authentic strength you need.
In a group therapy session, I had before, the therapist introduced us this concept called life script. It is the words you tell yourself when you are having certain situations or difficulties or when you’re being hard on yourself.
You have to realize that your thoughts and words are important because your brain believes them. What you think or say will manifest in your life. So, if you keep telling yourself you are a failure or this or that, then that will reflect from you. So, tell yourself things like, “You are so loved,” “You are enough,” “You don’t have to be pressured because you have your own timeline,” “You are worthy.” Practice it all the time, or if you can every day. Believe me, you will feel the change, because I’ve been feeling it.
Think about this, about how it is easy for people to show that they care about us as how it is easy for us to show that we care too. But, have you ever felt that it’s not just enough? Maybe it’s because we have to care for ourselves first. With that, we don’t depend on others. We can be happy and complete without them.
I wish we can all give these to ourselves. I know we can.
Keep fighting! 💪