This day, I just went through all my notes from my laptop, smartphone, and journals. I found a lot of who I was. For once again, I felt what it’s like to be the girl who never taught would be who I have become now. The words I have read from my notes were knitted in a way that the reader would feel exactly what the writer have felt that moment. Words were raw, just pure expressions of emotions, stripped I’d call it.

i am made of little pieces from everything and everyone

I realized how much I have changed, how much I have matured, how much better I am now in all aspect of my being and life. From being in those moments of low low episodes of depression and anxiety with a touch of grief who barely survives each day to someone who is now living each day with a lighter heart and a mind that genuinely wants to see what all tomorrows has to offer. I am proud of myself now, but I am not ashamed of who I was.

All those pain and struggles, those hardest moments I call challenges, those ugly words from people I know and people I don’t, those unfortunate events at daylight and at night, those unexpected experiences I have had, those people who came into my life and left, those mistakes I have made and lessons I have learned and every little pieces in those times are what built me as a person I am today. As if I am made from pieces of those words, events and people. As if I won’t be like this If not for them.

as if i am made of little pieces from everything and everyone

I just feel so happy and grateful now, I want to extend this emotion to people I may know and may not. I know negativity can be contagious, I know because I have experienced it many times before. But I also know that joy and positivity can even be more contagious.

I stopped writing for months, not just because I don’t feel positive and that I should only write positive things when I feel positive or that I should only talk about positivity and skip the parts that doesn’t look and sound positive, but simply because I couldn’t. Words just wouldn’t come out of me, hard times. So, I worked on myself until I could finally write again. From now, I’d write even If things feel uncomfortable and not in the positive side of life.

I’d write hoping to touch a life, or a thing, to also be part of someone or something like how everything and everyone have become part of who I am and my life.

How beautiful it is when you think about it.

Check these out…

life lessons i’ve learned from being a working student that i’ll never learn from school

listening maybe the one you need to heal

as a deep diver, i’m now afraid of depths


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